Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Should I Stay or Should I Go? Remind you of a song? Yup.. The song was written and recorded by English punk rock band the Clash in 1981. How perfect a name for a post about Struggling. The clash of being good or evil. The clash to do bad when you really just want to be good. The song says, "if I go there will be trouble. If I stay there will be double. Oh how those words ring true in a Christian life.

Never did I think that being a Christian would be so difficult. I was under the belief that everything would be bright and beautiful. Little did I know it would be more difficult then before. Before it didn't matter.

If you read my last post, you know that I have been struggling with my good old friend depression again. Most of it was brought on by another evil friend of mine. Sin. The uncontrolled selfish sinful side of my life called lust, desire, temptation and giving in. I prayed and prayed for God to take the desire away from me to no avail. Why couldn't God just give this one to me? Why is this sin constantly in my head. Why won't He just take the desire away from me?

For the last few weeks I have been going through this tug-of-war with my self and God. Not wanting God, but knowing I need Him. Loving God but being so angry with Him. Wanting to walk away from God, but wanting more of Him. Believing that Jesus died for the sin of everyone....but mine. I was riddled yet again with guilt, failure, disappointment and the fear of lost salvation. I truly believed that God had left me, that He didn't care for me and could care less about my prayers or concerns.
Then I saw these words on another bloggers page, "God responded to me. Why would I spare you trials in this life, if I didn't even spare my own son". Now I feel like a complete idiot.

It's so true how deep down inside of us we know that, but our brain and our heart don't connect the data and we end up being all muddled. We as humans are born into a sin nature and it's just in our blood to want to do those things that are bad for us. As crazy as it seems, if your sin bothers you.. That's good. You admit you need to be saved from it.

Just as Paul says in the bible

God also strangely brought me back in to Romans Chapter 7 which our home group just studied, and how perfectly that I am leading Chapter 8 in home group next week. Isn't it strange how I was led to lead this chapter, as it spoke so directly to me in this very moment of my life.

Nothing good we do can make God love us any more, and nothing bad we do can ever make God love us any less. Hardships, persecutions, famines and dangers will come, but in Romans, Paul says, that these sufferings do not in any way imply that God's love has fled.

So here's the thing... There is only one reason I became and remain a Christian.
It isn't because its a cure for depression, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, anger, lust, sex, on and on. Although, I do thank God for taking some of these away from me instantly over night and never having gone back. One day, all these scars we earn here, will be treasured like medals in heaven.

I am a Christian because I believe in God. I always have. I just had the bible interpreted to me all wrong in the past. I believe the word of God. I believe in Jesus Christ. Not as just a prophet or a messenger, but as the true savior. The one and only person who saves us from our sin. The one and only; through whom we go to receive the eternal reward. Because I choose to have faith & believe that thru him and only thru him do we get to heaven.



I know what people say about the Bible. How can you believe the Bible when it states that slavery is okay. Incest was okay. That you shouldn't eat this or that. You shouldn't wear this or that.. this is right when it should be wrong. This is wrong when it should be right. Evolution versus Creation. We could go on for days.
People often take the bible out of context. They take on a scripture or a chapter and misconstrue it to fit their own ridiculous agenda. The bible has to be read in whole and wholly understood.

The truth of the matter is, we struggle. That's just the way it is. The nature that we were born into. It always is and always will be, until the return of Jesus himself to make it all the way it was to be. And now that we are Christian, we are more aware of our sin and because we are more aware of it, we struggle more with it, then we would as non-believers.

Here are a quite a few things to ponder when you hit the struggle to continue in faith.
There are over forty verses in the New Testament that specifically emphasize the death of Jesus "for us", in the place of us, as a substitute for us. Here are just a few to ponder:

while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us [Romans 5:8]
Christ suffered for us [1 Peter 3:18]
Jesus was a propitiation for our sins [1 John 4:10]
This is my body/blood given for you [Luke 22:20]
God made him who had no sin, become sin for us [2 Corinthians 5:21]
Christ became a curse for us [Galatians 3:13]
Christ Jesus who gave himself as a ransom for all [1 Timothy 2:6]
Christ loved us and gave himself up for us [Ephesians 5:2]
By the grace of God he might taste death for us [Hebrews 2:9]
He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not for ours only, but for the sins of the whole world [1 John 2:2]

God is completely for us, and so not against us. We will groan in agony at how wretched we are, but with faith and hope in what's to come, our Savior Jesus Christ rubs our bodies and our wounds with his blood, washing it away and washing us clean, forgetting our sin, clothing us in white and calling us heirs to His thrown.
These struggles are difficult as we go through them, and how fast we forget (I have even blogged about it before) that in the end, our struggle make us stronger. Why is that?

Because our struggles cause us to be humble. To kneel down and ask for forgiveness. To pray for more of God. To thank him for all he has done and will do in our lives, and most of all to thank Him for loving us so much that he didn't even spare his own child to die for us.

Besides.. this is not all about us. It's all about the Glory of God.
God's affection and actions for us precede any response we offer. They are not conditioned on our being for him. God's gifts are given without conditions or strings attached. That is Grace, and having tasted the the Lord is good, we will willingly want to give our all to him.

We have a great God to love, and we have a great cause to love God.

My Depression-My Broken Pride-My Broken Self

What a tough week this has been for me. I reached the end of my rope and sadness and with that I ended up cursing God at the top of my lungs, hating him, and telling him that I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. But when I look back on it now, I wonder if I was just really more upset with myself or am I truly angry with him. I really thought and expected to be so much further in my walk with him, then I am. Part of my anger. And really.. deep within my heart, I knew and he knew that I really didn't mean what I was saying. It was all just major frustration. But it was uncalled for and never should have crossed my thoughts or lips.

Really, It's a bit of anger on both sides. But mostly on my side and as we all do, needing to take it out on someone else. Our pride gets the best of us. I'll be honest and I'll be upfront as I know many are struggling with the same thing. I still struggle with pornography, and that of course leads to thoughts of wanting to take it further which would lead to major destruction and penalties. Although it's not the daily struggle that it used to be, I do still struggle with this about once a week. It sickens me and it disgusts me.

I have prayed, prayed, prayed and even pleaded with God, over and over and over to please just take the desire away from me. Obviously that isn't working.. So I let it all out at him. Screaming at the top of my lungs," Why won't you take this away from me!!"  Seems like we give the brunt of all our anger to God for not fixing us, instead of screaming at Satan for not leaving us alone.

I just don't understand it all really. If He wants us all to be saved and truly does love us, why would he not take it away, or not allow us to be tempted by the evil one, if he knows where that behavior could lead us? I do know that when I give in, I immediately ask for forgiveness and continually turn back to Him. After all, where else would I go?  And then of course, I cry and thank him for his payment of my debt. Perhaps that's the only point He has right now. To make me see how much I/We really need Him. I do know that God is for us.. He is not laughing at us, or mad at us.. His interest really is what is best for us.

What is really strange, is I have found that when I wake up in the morning and tell Satan, "You are not going to get me today" that seems to be the day that I eventually end up giving in. Obviously when I call it out to him, he attacks me even harder. So I now am just going to give it to God. What happens, happens.

These last few weeks of giving in and not being able to control it, has sent me back into depression, which as we all know, has been the big topic this week due to Robin Williams suicide. Mind you, I am not in the deep and unrelenting depression that I had been in the past, but I do have the attitude that I just want to die. Just want to be done with it all. I honestly just hate it on this earth. NO.. I am not suicidal, but I really just want to be done with this world, which just seems to get worse and worse, and move forward to that better place reserved for me.

I keep asking myself, "Are you really depressed or just upset with yourself". How can you possibly be so depressed? You live a very blessed and quite easy and kick back life. Not having to worry about paying the bills, you have a roof over your head. You have all the things that you could want or need. You have plenty of food on the table. It's not like you live in a country where you are being kicked out of your home for being Christian, the threat of decapitation, torture, slavery, hunger, etc.... You have water, electricity, Air Conditioning and Heat..

That's what depression is. It just is. I can't really tell you what brings it on. It.... just is and it.... just does. It isn't something you can control. Its feeling alone when your not, feeling unloved, even when everyone tell you they love you. Having no energy to do anything. Its staring at the television in a fetal position and not really paying attention to what your watching. Its your mind in a state of thinking yet thinking of nothingness. Its not caring about anything at all.. not even yourself. It's a ball and chain that has you wrapped up in its links of bondage and holding you down or keeping you within its reach with all its weight.

There were quite a few hateful comments, even from people I knew, about Robin Williams and his suicide. That he was a chicken shit for taking the easy way out. Even on twitter, people belittled and harassed his daughter due to his suicide. She had to delete all her social media and to stop reading her email.

If you haven't dealt with depression. You have no right to judge it. You DON"T understand it, but you need to.

If you have dealt with depression yourself and not thru someone you know and still thought Robin Williams was Chicken Shit, then you didn't experience deep depression. And if you did, my apologies, but you should know better then to criticize.

Ben Irwin who is another blogger I read, had posted this below, and I couldn't state it  any better:

I don’t know what it’s like to seriously contemplate, much less attempt, suicide.
So what on earth would compel me to think I have the right to judge someone who has?

I can’t “stomach the thought of suicide” either (to use the words of a certain, notoriously offensive blogger). But that doesn’t give me the right to dismiss or diminish the experiences of those who can. Just the opposite. The fact that I can’t should be all the reminding I need that I have NO CLUE what it’s like to walk in their shoes.
So maybe I should just shut up and listen instead.

Take a few moments to read some of the tweets that people have shared this week using the #faithinthefog hashtag started by @lukeharms. Listen to their stories.
Read this post by Nish Weiseth in which she shares her own experience with depression and suicide. Or this one by Sarah Moon. Or this one by R.L. Stollar. If you are like me, then the fact that you can’t fully understand or relate to their stories is why you need to hear them.

Remember… depression is not “sin.” It is not a “spiritual issue.” The answer to depression or thoughts of suicide is not simply to “pray more” or “be more spiritual” or just “will yourself out of it.” To quote R.L. Stollar, “Mental health is as real and concrete as physical health and needs to be treated as such.”

Remember… those of us who don’t have direct experience with this kind of depression don’t have any framework for making sense of it. And the ones we construct are almost always misguided or wrong. To quote Nish Weiseth:

Depression is a clinically-diagnosed mental illness… It’s not selfish to struggle with depression. It’s not a lack of understanding about God and his creation. It’s not something to be ashamed of. Those who don’t struggle with depression, who don’t feel the ongoing darkness… they try to understand and make sense of it. Label it as selfish and the easy way out. Call the suicidal “cowards.” But that’s not the mind of a person in the grips of unrelenting darkness. When depression corners you like that, it makes you believe that suicide is joy. Suicide is relief. And in some instances, it makes you think that suicide is a blessing or a gift to others. It can feel like the brave and noble thing to do.

Depression is a terrible thing, like Nish said. But what’s even more terrible is to condemn or dismiss rather than support those who experience it. To chalk it up to a lack of faith on their part or a lack of dependence on God or whatever. To ignore the very real physical and chemical causes of (and treatments for) depression. To say it’s a “spiritual” issue, as if spirit and body are two separate things—as if one matters and the other doesn’t. (Hello, Gnosticism.)

Remember… if we haven’t walked in someone else’s shoes, then the best thing we can do is to follow Micah J. Murray’s advice and simply shut up and listen.

And if we say anything at all, may it be: You are good. You are loved. And we are here with you, no matter what.

Thru all my anger, yelling, hatred, depression and feeling sorry for myself; I have once again been put in my place.

I humbly bowed down and asked God and Jesus for forgiveness. To forgive my Anger. To forgive my pride. To forgive my stupidity. To forgive my unbelief. To give me the fervor to follow Jesus that I once had.

I know that God's Love is unrelentless, and as he has done, more times then I truly deserve. He Loves me. He Forgives me. He Gives me unfathomable Grace and He gives me His endless Mercy.

I shouldn't hate this life. He gave it to me for a reason. I just haven't found it yet. Maybe there is nothing to be found. Maybe it's just to be me. Maybe its not this big wonderful thing that I am meant to do, like I see in so many others at church.

And although I would like to live on this earth without this sin so I can have peace and freedom while here. I need to Just be me. Try to be good. Try to love. Try not to judge. Try not to get all caught up in being what I feel I should be. I may fail and I may fall, but one way or another; whether it be on this earth or in death. My sin will be overcome.

I am Christian - I am Gay - I'm a Rebel

Back in the 60's when I was a child, religion was a normal part of the American life and a rebel was known as those who defied the norm. Rebels were those who disobeyed their parents, defied curfews, cussed, sneaked out of the house, fought against the government, did drugs, smoked cigarettes, drank alcohol underage, sex underage and outside of marriage, danced to rock-n-roll, got tattoos, grew their hair long, skipped church, wore risque clothes, fought for gay rights, etc etc...

Here we are 50 years later and all that was rebellious in my day, has now become the normal way of life. Nobody seems to care if you engage in any of those that I had mentioned above. In fact in this day and age, those who commit crimes and murder are seen as heroes by some. Arrogance, Pride, Self love, treating others with disrespect and wanting to be famous for nothing just seems to have escalated and become a way of life.

Today, to be a Christian is to be a true Rebel. And don't even get me started on how much of a Rebel it takes to be a Gay Christian. I am treated as if I am dissing another entire community. Being a Christian and letting it be known to everyone is certainly not for the coward.

Christianity and the belief in God. The very thing that our Nation was founded on, is being taken away. Fought against in our government. The right to talk about God or even to say his name has been taken out of our schools and public places. Our pledge of allegiance is seen as an abomination.

God knew what our nation could become and because we invested in Him, He invested in us. He made us a great nation of wealth, freedom and power. God used to be on our side. Just as mentioned in the Bible many times, those who stood with God, even though they were far outnumbered by their enemy's were able to conquer. And because we got down on our knees as a nation and prayed to God he watched over us continually. But we now know, that time could come to an end.

The enemy is now able to penetrate us from within and create havoc as they have never been able to do before.

Today, our prayer is taken out of everything. Ten commandments are being removed, Bibles are not allowed to be read anywhere but in the privacy of your own home. Our Arrogance, Pride and doing only what we want to do is coming back to haunt us. Our country is going down the wrong road. Because we have put our pride and arrogance in the place of God. And if you read the Bible, you can see that this was foretold thousands of years ago.

So what does it take to be a rebel in today's world?

• To attend church regularly
• To pray; and even bolder to pray in public
• To read the Bible
• To Believe in God
• To Believe in Jesus as Savior
• To follow Jesus
• To love EVERYONE... even those who choose to be your enemy
• To put our Pride aside and be Humble
• To Obey the Laws that God gave us
• To Obey the Laws of the Government
• To Keep our minds clean
• To abstain from lustful and hateful thoughts
• To abstain from sexual thoughts and acts outside of marriage
• To Give to and Help Others..
• To Teach the Word of God to others

In the current state of our world, most of these are the very reason that in other countries, people are persecuted, tortured and put to death. It scares me to know, that this is the very same road that this country is going. And it was all foretold.

I am a true believer that God created this universe and everything on and in it. That mankind became so sinful, that he had to come down to earth as a whole separate man, to live, and to be tempted with sin just as we are, so that he could fully understand how and why it affects us. And then to pay for all our sin, He, as Jesus Christ was arrested, persecuted and put to death for absolutely nothing other then to pay for our sin. He was guiltless. He hadn't committed any crime whatsoever. He was put to death by those who were so full of pride and arrogance that they just couldn't see the truth of who He really was, and couldn't handle the fact that he truly was far superior then they. That He was the true King.

I also believe in a life after death, and that there is a heaven and a hell or separation from God. I choose heaven and that means that I have to Rebel to the norm of today's world, to obey his commands and try to be like him.

I do not doubt for one minute that should you choose to live as you wish in this world, choose to live your own way, and choose not to have a full belief or a full faith in God and Jesus Christ, that you will get your wish when you die. God isn't going to force anyone that doesn't want to be with Him, to be with Him. He created us, and that is His right to do so.

Let it be known, that you cannot and will not get to heaven by trying to be a good person. Some of which I wrote about in previous posts about the "Guilty and sinful person being set free" and "Do Good People go to Heaven" As always. I don't tell you this or write about it because I am judging you or by any means that I am better than you. I am just like you. I am just a human. I tell you because I love you, and God commands us to spread the truth. To tell others about the Good News.

Why do I say I want to be a Christian Rebel? Well, I am a Christian so I am a rebel, but I am by far not the 100% true rebel that I would like to be. I still struggle with and give in to some of those items that I mentioned above.

My goal? To become a much better person. And although I can never be as perfect and far from his goodness, having His huge grace and endless mercy, I yearn to be like Jesus Christ. He only angered when he saw true injustice, which we have way to much of in this world.

Need more good news? Justice will finally be served to those who today, only live to persecute, enslave, torture and kill those who are weaker or choose to live different. Everything will be made new and right. The way it was originally meant to be. That is the hope that even thru my miserable failings at not always doing what is right, "In God We Trust". The very words chosen in the beginning of our country because of our very religious sentiment during the civil war to be placed on our dollar bills and chump change. You have to believe it and trust. Otherwise this dismal state that we are in and going down in this country and world would be very hopeless.

Can Setting Free a Man Found to be 100% Guilty, Ever Be Justified?

In the Eye's of God. The answer to that Question is a 100%... YES

Have you seen the show, "Ripley's-Believe it or Not? We are given a story line that seems fake, yet could be believable, and your left with the question, can this really be true?. What I am about to tell you is not only true; but like all of Ripley's fun, weird and crazy facts, and just as the banner above states, it is also Outrageous, Amazing, Unbelievable, Bizarre, Incredible, Unconventional, and most all, is hard to wrap our heads around.

Our home group has been studying the Book of Romans and although we have only gotten up to Chapter 6 and I personally Chapter 8 at the time of this blog, I have immersed myself in it. By my title of this post, you can tell that the book of Romans has become my favorite book of the Bible.  I have listened to nearly 100 sermons, read much about it on the internet, and read different bible versions of Romans. And after all of this searching, reading and listening, I know that I haven't even scratched the service. And I most certainly won't be able to explain all that I have learned thus far here in this one post.

If you haven't read the Bible and don't know where to start or don't know much about what Christianity is all about. This is the one Book of the Bible where you should start. It is a good summary of what Christianity is all about. The first few chapters are a little difficult to get through and at first you think.. Oh Man.. we are in trouble and God is definitely not happy with us AT ALL!!! Hold on and don't get all freaked out.. The Good News is coming just a few chapters in.


It was hard to figure out what was I was reading and I came upon a great website that took me chapter by chapter and even by a few verses at a time and gave me a much better understanding. It is a wealth of information, and will take you weeks to get thru it all, but highly recommended.

You, Me & Every single person on this earth from past, present or future is a sinner,  not one person is found to be righteous or good. Not one person is perfect, other than Jesus Christ. We have all angered God and we all deserve his judgement. But we all have an equal chance to be found good and righteous in his eyes. We must use this chance while we are still here, or unfortunately it will be too late.

There is only one way to be found righteous. I am sure you have heard or been told and you think that just by being a good person, you will go to heaven. As long as your good outweighs the bad. But how much good outweighs the bad? and what is considered bad? According to the Bible, nobody is good enough to get into heaven and you CAN NOT do anything or enough on your own to get there.  Again, we CANNOT gain our way into heaven by trying to be good, following all the rules, obeying all the laws or by trying to do enough of the good things.

You might read the first few chapters of Roman's and think to yourself, who is God that he should tell me how to live my life? It sounds to me like he is always angry. Well He is not. We all have terrible thoughts like this sometimes. That's another reason we are sinners. It's pretty obvious that God created us and so therefore, God gets to give us law and gets to make the rules. He is our Father. And just like your earthly father. Your earthly father in a way, created you, and as a child he made the rules for you to follow. And why does he give you rules. Because he loves you, wants to protect you, and wants only what is best for you. And just like God, your father's love is unconditional. Besides, God doesn't live in a space of time and therefore see's and knows everything and how it all fits together. Everything whether it be good or bad, will eventually, sometime in the end work out for the best and He knows the consequences of not following his rules.

I mean think about it... Thou Shalt not Steal, Thou Shalt not Kill, Thou Shalt not Commit Adultery, Honor they Father and Mother. We even have laws pertaining to these in our current society. And why? Well let's see.. breaking these can lead to jail, divorce, sexual diseases, unwanted children, broken lives, broken limbs, paralysis, death, on and on.. It just makes sense to follow the rules. Keeping the law keeps us from harm and out of trouble.

The major problems we have on this earth are a direct result of us as humans not keeping the laws whether it be God's or the governments. So if we aren't saved by keeping the law then what was the purpose of giving it to us? The Law exposes our sin and shows that we are sinners who need to be saved. That we need a Savior. There is absolutely nothing we can do to be righteous. We can't be justified by merit, or achievements. And trying to achieve thru works only creates more debt to be paid. Only Christ is the Doer of the Law and thru him, the Wrath or judgement of God can’t harm or touch you. No Faith, No Salvation, No Justification.
 
We also don't gain our way into heaven by going to church, reading the bible, being a certain religion, praying every day and night, serving others, keeping the Ten Commandments (or the law), following the legalistic ways of our church, doing good works, etc... etc... etc...  The only reason we should do good works and try to obey the Ten Commandments (the law) is because it pleases God. And besides, there are always others who need our help. And it makes us feel good as well.  By doing these things we show God how much we love him and appreciate what he has given us and what he has done for us to allow us to be found righteous and justified to enter into, share, and enjoy his Kingdom for Eternity.

This is also why we go to church to worship him, to pray to him, to be baptized, to take communion. He asked and we enjoy in doing this for him. So what did God do for us that allows us to gain entrance to heaven? To be found righteous and good? What does it take?

These few favorite verses of mine, sum up what it and Christianity is all about.. read: Romans 3:21-31 I used the Message version here for better understanding.
Did you understand it? So after having read those verses, what are we asked to do to enter into heaven?.. Believe and have Faith. We should believe and fully admit that we are all sinners. And because God wanted to put everything right, what he did and was able to do is hard for our tiny little minds to understand. It is quite difficult to believe that it is possible and to wrap around how God could also be human. Two separate beings, yet the same. Christianity also adds in the Holy Spirit, which is what we call the Trinity... So God is actually three separate beings, yet the same. What did he do?

God himself came to earth as a fully separate man (Jesus Christ) and was born to a virgin mother. Why a virgin? Because it would be an infinite miracle. One that would ever happen again or had never happened before. It proved that he was something special. There were also 100's of prophecy's that foretold His birth, His death & life hundreds of years before any of it took place. Here is what He did:

He  (Jesus Christ) being
totally innocent ,sinless,
totally perfect and pure,
having  broken no laws;
100% guiltless of crime,
was betrayed, abandoned, ridiculed, was beaten, slapped, kicked, & spit on.
thorns  driven in his head, he could barely walk, but made to carry his cross
thru a town full of mockers, no friends to be found in the crowd & up a hill.
Was nailed to a cross with sturdy nails, thru both of his hands and both feet
he  was lifted high up into the air,
and left  there to die in loneliness
with the weight of his entire body
held by the nails within his hands.
The weight causing all  his organs
to  slowly shut down and causing
his organs to fail, cramp & spasm
not been given anything to drink,
also dying of extreme dehydration
and losing major amounts of blood
sweat and tears and to be sure that
he had died,he was pierced thru the
heart with a spear to confirm that He

TRULY WAS DEAD.

And for What?

For nothing other then to pay for our sins, to pay our debt in full, to fulfill the law, so that we would be made righteous. Lets not forget that He also arose three days later from death and ascended into heaven. We must believe that this happened and have Faith that in this belief and the free gift of grace from God, that we are guaranteed salvation. We are justified and found to be righteous. Now good enough to get into heaven.

If you don't believe that we need a savior. Watch the news and look around.. This world is fallen, and just keeps getting worse. It isn't going to get better. The murder, mayhem, mass shootings, torture of innocent people, arrogant tyrants, and corrupt leaders in every nation is getting beyond the point of stopping. We most definitely need someone to step in and make it all right.

This free gift is offered to all. Even for those who identify as Homosexual? Yes...All are welcome. All are equal. All who believe, All who come to him and have faith will be saved. In fact Faith is so important that Chapters 3-8 all discuss Faith, salvation and no condemnation for all those who are in Christ Jesus. This is a free gift and although it should be relatively easy, it is hard for us to believe. We are so filled with pride that we keep trying to earn our way into heaven.

As I said earlier. There is nothing you can do to earn your entrance into heaven other then believe and have faith. No amount of works, no matter how good or how many hours you put into it, will earn your entry. In fact, there are two kinds of religion. There are the DO religions and the Done religion. Notice that I made the DO religion's plural versus the DONE religion?

Every religion, except Christianity believes that certain things must be done or not done to gain entrance into the Kingdom of God. They are under the notion that you must wear certain clothing, go to temple, go to a mass, must pray five times a day, must confess sins to a priest, must do more good things then bad, must partake in rituals of the church, on and on and on.. they believe that salvation is "earned" by the things you do. Christianity is a “Done” religion.

We could frame it this way: The Living Bible puts Romans 3 verse 28 this way: “So it is that we are saved by faith in Christ and not by the good things we do.” Thank God, it is true.

Salvation comes by simple faith in Jesus—plus nothing and minus nothing. Those who transfer their trust to the Son of God are saved immediately and forever. Here is a tremendous truth to ponder. One God … one way of salvation. Don’t let anyone tell you that God has two ways of salvation. Salvation has always been by grace through faith. It’s the same in every dispensation—Old Testament, New Testament, under the law, before the law, after the law. Salvation is always by grace through faith. It is never through works. No one has ever been saved by good works; no one will ever be saved that way.

It’s faith alone—first, last and always. For all who believe. Every race, every country, every culture, every person..and everyone must come the same way. Some claim that we can lose our salvation. That might be true if at some point in time, you decide that Jesus and God don't exist, or decide that you can purposely keep sinning it up, so to say. who knows, but what would have been the purpose to save us from even our future sins if we could lose it?

You have two choices... to believe it or not.. Believe and have faith in the finished work of Jesus on the cross that he paid your debt in full and have eternal life in heaven.... I shudder to even think of the other possibility. If your not worshiping Jesus (my opinion) you are not worshiping the one & true God.

I have always doubted that I was worthy of being saved, and I would go from believing it one day, to doubting it the other 6 days. I feel that God has finally spoken to me thru the book of Romans and is telling me that thru him, I am worthy, so I have finally chosen to change my mind frame from self defeating to fully believing.

I pray that today you choose also to believe. If you have been reading my past posts, you know that I get you. You know that I understand your pain. You know that I understand your hatred towards religion & those within it that tear you down, & your anger at God. But I now know different, and this is why I blog. To show you my journey from hatred & anger to a joy in Christ. To share what I have learned. That God is so not angry at only "FAGS". He is angry at all who sin. All sin is equal. Homosexuality is no worse a sin then anything else. Choose to believe today. Find a church and choose to be surrounded by those who believe. If you want to know more about Christianity, the resurrection, Jesus and God click the dollar bill at the top left of this page and learn more.

Remember that we should turn away from sin. There will be struggles with sin and life... it was never said that it would be easy... in fact, it is my experience that trying to live a christian life, especially as a Gay man.. is a really difficult and constant struggle. And it is really tough when you hear other Christians say that Gay and Christianity don't mix. You can't be Gay and Christian. That my friends is pure......  and don't believe everything you hear. Even God himself said that everything he created was good. Including you and Me. His unconditional love and forgiveness is open to ALL!!

There is a time to struggle. Sometimes people come to Christ and then we get upset because things don’t go well for us. We get upset because we have relationship difficulties, financial difficulties, personal difficulties, emotional difficulties, marital difficulties, problems in different areas in life. We get discouraged, we get disillusioned, we get angry with God and wonder what’s wrong with us. Usually, there’s nothing deeply wrong with you if you’re going through a period of struggle.

It’s just part of what it means to live on this earth. When Jesus saved you, he didn’t say he would take away all your problems. No, but he did say this. In your problems, there is no condemnation. In your struggles, there is no condemnation, in your failure, there is no condemnation. In your going astray, there is no condemnation. God is not angry with you when you struggle. It’s not just that we fail, but we condemn ourselves when we fail. It’s not just that we struggle, but we get angry at ourselves because we’re not perfect. We heap this huge load of guilt on ourselves and we transfer it all to God and we think God must hate us because we hate ourselves so much because of what we’ve done. It’s not true at all.

 What does God do when we fail? He helps us back up, he tells us where we went wrong, and he puts us back in the game.

 
Romans 5:1-5 Therefore, having been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, ² through whom also we have access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and rejoice in hope of the glory of God. ³ And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; ⁴ and perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵ Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

With the arrival of summer comes the onslaught of Gay Pride events, not only in the U.S., but countries all around the world. And of course, it also brings the arrival of the yearly condemnation from the entire rest of the world.

I read another Gay Christian blog on this subject today, and the first thing that was mentioned was that Pride was a sin, and all I could think was Seriously? That's what you came up with? Some people just seem to take things a bit far. Good old Legalism. Let me get that log out of your eye. LOL.

Personally, I haven't attended a Gay Pride event in a decade and only attended a few before that. In fact, rarely in my lifetime have I spent much time in the Gay Community. It's a funny thing the Gay community. You would think that due to the fact that we were all ostracized in school, by friends, co-workers, possibly family for being gay that we would all get along. Not the case! Even in the gay community I was ostracized. Not cute enough, not enough muscle, too skinny, too young, too old, not manly enough, too feminine, too this, too that... I would often find myself in a crowded room with nobody to talk too and left all alone in some corner. The story of my life. Even today. The gay guy in a room of married people with children. The gay guy in a room full of heterosexuals.. on and on.. it just continues.

I am sure that most in the Gay Community would tell you the same thing. Middle and High School was the worst experience of our lives. All of your friends are talking about the opposite sex, their dates, who they are going to invite to prom, etc... and with excitement. Those very same friends would tell Gay jokes or bully and mock anyone who was gay. You basically go along with them as if you cared, are interested and are on the same page as them. But all the while in your head, you are looking at your friends whom are the same sex and find yourself attracted to them. But you can't talk about it. Not even with those you think might also be Gay. It has to be hidden. Its your secret and you can't confide in or share it with not one other person. It was a horrifying existence. Full of confusion, depression, self-loathing, hatred and continual thoughts of suicide or just wanting to die.

And for those of us that grew up in a religious family its even worse.. You continually ask.. Why would God to this to me? Why is it that out of all my friends, I am the one that picked the short straw? Why was I wired differently? Can I pray this away?

 I know that most of the people I know, whom are reading this often wonder why I am so bitter and angry all the time. All of the above is why. And as you know, when you live with something for decades, its not just going to go away in an instant. It has become habit and It is a huge something that I am trying to work on. So if I have lashed out at you, your religion, or someone you know.. Forgive me. I apologize.

After High School, I found friends in those who drank and who did every kind of drug that you can imagine. We were all the outcasts. But together we felt like the in crowd. This was the first group of real friends that I had ever had. We did everything together. They accepted me, and the drinking just masked the pain that I had inside of me. With them, I was able to be honest and free. I was gay and I was finally coming out.. And it felt so good to be able to be honest and to be able to talk about it.

This was at that time, when I thought I had found the love of my life. My first love. He was going to be my life partner. He was my soul mate.. LOL.. NOT.. Most of you had that feeling in High School, and possibly not once, but a few times. You went to the prom with them perhaps.. you held hands down the school halls. You went everywhere together, and you hung out with your other friends and their partners. Everyone knew you were a couple. I didn't get that chance or feeling at all in High School.. I had to go out with the girl who couldn't find another date to keep up my facade. All those great things you experienced in High School.. For me was just HELL.. and then God was going to throw me in HELL for being Gay? Talk about anger toward straight people, religion, GOD., the entire world.

Do you now get a sense of why Gay people don't want any part of religion?. All that heartache as a young person.. And then to be told by not only Christian's but every other religion that there is no chance in Hell for you to be loved or accepted by God? Drilled into your head and inner being that He HATES YOU!!! He LOATHES you!!! You are an ABOMINATION, a DISGRACE, A VILE AND WORTHLESS EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN!!!

Besides.. We heard it wrong... Jesus said he hated figs... not fags <----  -insert humor

Would you want any part of that? Do you now understand part of why the gay community try's to find love in all the wrong places. Deciding to live it up while we still have a chance to enjoy the bit of time we have here? If you heard the words above and thought it was true, you would feel hopeless as well. Religion teaching and spewing out the words of God Incorrectly. And why? only because they can't understand, and have taken the bible out of context or having not read it entirely or correctly. Using it to fit their hateful agendas. How would you feel about religion? Would you trust it or would you loathe it, and run as far away from it as possible? Consider that as your read what Paul had to say in Romans.

Romans 10:14-17 But how can people call for help if they don’t know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven’t heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? 

That’s why Scripture exclaims, A sight to take your breath away! Grand processions of people telling all the good things of God!

But not everybody is ready for this, ready to see and hear and act. Isaiah asked what we all ask at one time or another: “Does anyone care, God? Is anyone listening and believing a word of it?” The point is: Before you trust, you have to listen. But unless Christ’s Word is preached, there’s nothing to listen to.

So what could be a good reason for Gay Pride. Homosexuals have, and in some countries still do suffer persecution and even death if they are outted. Gay Pride is a one day, sometimes two and a once a year event that allows the Gay Community to be able to be proud that they can be out. That they are part of a community. That they can be free to be themselves for one weekend. To join together and be with people of our own kind. Who accept each other freely and lovingly without persecution. Where their stories are the same as every other person there. Where it doesn't have to be hidden. Where you can openly be with your partner, share experiences and get the support that you need. Its a celebration that we no longer have to hide.

Yes.. there are some wild and crazy things that come out of pride as well. People dressed... or should I say not well dressed, flaunting their stuff so to say. And of course, the news always has to make it a point to go out and capture those images to spread across the world and internet, versus the good that comes out of it. Despite what you have heard and seen, Gay Pride is not about sex and debauchery... It's a day to relax, enjoy and just be....... FREE....

I remember the days that I attended the pride parades, the Religious people would walk down the streets with their big signs and shout out that Homosexuals were going to hell. All they accomplished was looking like idiots and huge Hypocrites.

And let me just say. If you think that the Gay community hasn't gotten the message that they are sinners, you are wrong. They get it already. They have heard you loud and clear. In fact the word Sinner seems to be synonymous with Gay. I have never heard it used in any other instance or for any other group.

Talk about Pride. I think that when you take the time to make a sign so hateful, and stroll down a street calling out others that don't fit into your little box of the world, you are the one who is prideful. Proud that you turned out straight. Proud and boasting to others that Jesus has saved you, but he can't save the other? Those aren't the words of the Jesus I have come to know. And your pride and boasting isn't saving you or anyone else. All it does is turn people away. It doesn't change minds. Whatever psychology your trying to use, doesn't work here. We have been told we were going to hell, so why would your signs change our minds if we are under the impression that there is no other way then hell for us?

A man who cheats on his wife is never called a sinner. A woman who had an abortion or had a child without being married is never called a sinner. The politicians who cheat us out of money and extort it are never called sinners. The prostitutes and pimps are never called sinners. Someone who commits murder is never called a sinner and NEVER do you see anyone carry a sign and tell anyone or any other group that they are  sinners, or that God hates them other than then towards the gay community.

To bring a gay person to the love of Jesus Christ takes one thing and one thing only. LOVE... Just love us. Treat us with respect. Become our friend. Listen to us with true feelings of concern and an open mind. Don't open up with or push Jesus/God and religion down our throats. And possibly in due time, when they see how wonderful and loving you are as a Christian. They might just want what you have and you might have just turned things around. It won't happen over night, and it might take months or years. Jesus never gave up on you, so don't give up on them.  Like the picture just above... these straight Christians showed up to a Gay Pride Parade in Chicago years ago with their signs of love, and apologies and the response they received from the Gay Community was overwhelming and full of joy and forgiveness.

 You cannot push Jesus on people who have had no other experience then to be hurt by him, called names by him, and condemned by him thru the actions of others. It doesn't work. This is exactly why I spent 30+ years living it up, drinking it away, hoping I would just die and literally crying and screaming out to God, down on my knees in the corner of a room asking him why.

Gay Pride is really not affecting you at all other than your pride and not being able to understand others who are not like you. Besides that. You get the other 364 days out of the year. So give the community a break and I say let them be proud that they can be out and enjoy one day without ridicule.

I have lived it, known it and seen it all. I know the brokenness that exists in the Gay community. But I don't condemn. I understand it and it breaks my heart, that so many are purposely killing themselves slowly thru drugs, sexual disease, drinking, and so many ultimately taking their own lives.

Here are five good reasons why I/we should start attending events and spending time within the community.

P - Praying for Participants
R - Relating to the Rejected
I - Investing for Eternity
D - Demonstrating God's Love
E - Evangelizing the Lost  

Once again.. All my weaknesses have worked themselves out for the Good. If I had not experienced all the pain that I have been through. I don't think I could appreciate the work of Jesus on the Cross as much as I do. 

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Now that I have hit the age of 50, I get caught up in the same thing that most people do. I need to get some color and get rid of the gray in my hair. How can I get rid of the bags and circles under my eyes. I need to dress like the younger adults so I don't seem to be 50. I really should get up and start exercising. Will I lose control of my mind like my father, his brother and my sister? And for some reason, the thought of the Fountain of Youth kept going through my head this last week.

For Centuries people have been searching for it. The elusive Fountain of Youth. People have claimed to have found it in many parts of the world. People have created many paintings about it & to this day, people visit those places claimed to be the fountain of youth by those in the past. I'll bet some believe that it will work, should they drink from it.

Even if you don't believe that there is a true fountain of youth, admit it, we spend billions every year to defy the aging process to maintain some of our youth. We will try just about anything to maintain it. We try to eat right, buy pills, apply creams, inject ourselves with foreign substances and even have surgeries to rid ourselves of the wrinkles, the spots and the sags. We color our hair and if we are losing it, we do comb overs, wear wigs or again surgery. And for many people, we spend hours in a gym working out daily or spend billions on home equipment that most often goes unused.  Infomercials run rampant on every media bombarding us with ads selling us all kinds of hope and ridiculous promises that will never come to fruition.

To be honest. I am not sure why anyone would want to be forever youthful and live on this earth in it's current state forever. If you ask me, this life in it's current state is somewhat miserable. So many injustices going on. People are cruel, arrogant and hateful to each other. Even those of us in the United States who are so very blessed, complain about EVERYTHING!!!. I also can't think of any job that I could possibly want to do forever. Do you want to work in a miserable and low paying job for eternity? We even glamorize the fictional vampires who live forever. Really? Think about it.

In 1513, Ponce de Leon was looking for & thought he had found life sustaining water that would eliminate physical death. This magical place shown at the left & was found in Florida of all places. Obviously it was futile. At one time, however, mankind had access to a tree whose fruit provided exactly what Ponce de Leon was looking for. Not surprisingly, it was called “the tree of life” (Genesis 2:9).  By God’s blessing the fruit of that tree sustained physical life as long as an individual would continue to eat thereof (Genesis 3:22).  When man entered into sin, however, God removed him from access to the tree of life, & physical death became a reality (Genesis 2:16-17; Romans 6:23).

Well the good news or the bad news is that there is Eternal Life where we can be forever youthful and actually can be made perfect. Obviously it is not given to us in our earthly life, but it is a promise that was made by God and according to Jesus we will live for eternity in heaven or hell depending on who we know. This body will die and we will be given new bodies prepared for such an eternal existence. Eternal life in our current bodies would be torment.

John 4:13  Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this (earthly) water will be thirsty again,
John 4:14  but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a SPRING of water WELLING UP to ETERNAL LIFE."

The bad news is that the wrong choice in this life could be eternity in a not so nice place. Even if that not so nice place was like the earth as it is now. I still wouldn't want to be there. But I have a feeling, it will be a lot worse then we can even imagine. “Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” Mark 10:15 

But it doesn't have to be like this. You can admit that you are a sinner and trust in Jesus as your Savior. The entrance to heaven has been paid by his death and resurrection. His death on the cross provided us with the opportunity to be redeemed from the guilt and condemnation of our sin (Revelations 5:9).  In Him we can find “eternal life” (Rom. 6:23) When man became sinful, God set in motion His plan for man’s redemption, forgiveness and salvation (Genesis 3:15).  God sent His Son Jesus Christ into this world to be the Savior of mankind (Luke. 2:11; Luke 19:10).

We spend way too much time searching the world for answers, rather then searching the scriptures. And I am just as guilty. I don't spend too much time worrying about looking beautiful, but I certainly am guilty of not spending enough time in scripture.

Choosing a life of following Christ is the only true Fountain of Youth. All others are just fantasy and time wasters. How will your pursuit for the Fountain of Youth end?  Futile? or Fruitful? Where will you spend eternity?  Inside (Heaven)? or Outside (Hell)?

Ponce de Leon’s fountain of youth?  An unreal myth.  Eternal life in Christ?  Absolutely real and available to all who will come to Him on His terms (Matthew 11:28-29). Have you or will you come to the true fountain of youth..?

On a More Personal Note

I received this personal note from a wonderful friend from Church that I so look forward to seeing every week. Granted we don't hang out, but I still consider him a dear friend.

Most heterosexual men don't walk up to a Gay man every week and give him a hug. But this friend does. Even better then that, I am actually old enough to be his father. And since I don't have or never really could have had kids, it kind of makes his friendship so much more meaningful. Most of the college kids, really can't or don't want to relate us old folks. Hey I get it.. I was the same way.

My friend not only heard my story in church, but had also taken a 5 week group session with me and others from church, where we all had to share our emotions and thoughts on each of our individual brokeness.

I skipped church today due to feeling a little down this week about my issue with anger, and my partner brought this letter home to me from this friend. I so needed this today. And Honestly, don't we all need this once in a while? There is nothing better then a handwritten note. They mean so much more than just a random email or letter typed from an impersonal keyboard, or worst of all, never at all.

This is what its all about my friends. Telling and sharing your story in the hopes that others are touched by it. Everyone has a story and every story can change lives, minds and people's hearts. This is why I always say to be open and up front on what's ailing or hurting and effecting your very being. This is just another small part of why walking with God and those who love him, is so wonderful and fulfilling. How often do you get a note like this from a friend, a co-worker or a boss for a job well done or just a note of thank you, or just simple kindness? Most likely never. But I get them all the time.

Jef, I may have said this before, but in case you didn't know, I admire so much of who you are and the tough questions of faith you ask the Lord...

Thanks for being so real, Jef, and for putting your trust in the hands of the Father who loves you and cares for you so MUCH.

Your life I know, is a testament of God's power and His good news, and I pray our Lord fills you each and every morning with the unshakable conviction that who you are is enough, and that there is no fear for those who love Him.

You are mighty, Jef, and I really do look forward to sharing and hearing more stories with you

Sharing your brokeness brings forth all kinds of amazing things. Brings you prayers of healing, people you can relate to, a closer and more honest relationship with others, starts relationships with new friends, it makes you a stronger person and so much more.

Never be ashamed of your story. Believe it or not, even in a church setting, your weaknesses bring you and others strength and glory. If your not allowed to share your brokeness within your church, then I ask you.. Are you in the right place?


Forgive me today God that I skipped Church and let the evil one tell me that I didn't deserve to go.

Forgive me this week God for bursting out in Anger at a stranger for no real reason at all. For dwelling in Depression and pulling away from everyone, with the thoughts that I am a terrible human being.

Forgive me this month God for giving in to so many temptations.

Forgive me this year God that I am full of angry words and can't get it under control.

Thank you God today for this wonderful letter from a friend at church. It came at the perfect time.

Thank you for this week God, that I am taking on my anger and trying for the first time to really get it under control.

Thank you for this year God. Free of addictions. The opportunity to share my story in church. For A year of growth. A year of weaknesses made into strength. A year of your unfailing love and forgiveness for the wretched person that I am. All the new amazing friends that you have given me, and most of all, Thank You for pulling me back to you and showing me that I too, am Forgiven and worthy of your LOVE!!!

If you ask most people, the answer to this question would be Yes. But the truth of the matter is NO.. Unless of course you are 100% perfect, and that quite frankly is impossible! It just can't be done.. We lie, we lust, we steal, we judge, we hate, we complain, we anger, etc...etc...etc...

Why do I feel the need to blog about this? First and foremost, because it has been on my heart for weeks. 2nd, because I was listening to a sermon in which they first interviewed people on the street about this, and the majority didn't care or thought that just being good was enough. 3rd; and really the most important reason is because, although we don't know each other,  I so love you and feel that you might need to grasp and understand the truth.

Nobody should have to die, then stand in front of Jesus and be perplexed when hearing the words, "I am sorry, but you never knew me, nor did you try to know me. You are found to be Guilty and you are not worthy to enter my Kingdom". Guilty of what you say?

Only God is perfect and God did create us to be perfection. However, sin entered the world. Yes, God could have fixed that in the beginning, but because he loves us so much, rather than for us to be robots, he gave us the free will to live our lives as we wish and do as we choose. Which we all know leads us as humans to do terrible things to ourselves, to each other, and to all that he created. We are all guilty and not one of us is innocent.  Romans 3:23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

God does love us all and nothing would make him happier than for every single one of us to go to heaven.                 
1 Timothy 2:3-5 This is good and acceptable in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all men to be saved and to come to the knowledge of the truth. For there is one God, and one mediator also between God and men, the man Christ Jesus.

When we do terrible things, more often then not we have to pay the price for it. When we break the law, eventually we get caught, thrown in jail, and sent to court to prove our innocence. We have to hire a good lawyer, stand in front of our peers to be judged, and hope that our lawyer knows enough about the court system, the law and has the goods and smarts to save us from a just punishment.

This is exactly what will happen should a person die just believing that they were good enough to enter the pearly gates. They will be judged by the creator and they will be punished. God is Omniscient. And let's be honest here. Nothing you have done is hidden from God. Every single thing that you have done, said or have even thought, in public or the privacy all to yourself; God knows Everything and never forgets.

Now we all know that the statement; "innocent until proven guilty" truly does not apply anymore. We are often seen as Guilty first and need to prove our innocence beyond a reasonable doubt. In the eyes of God we are guilty and CANNOT prove our innocence. We are Guilty first and there is no doubt about it.

The good news is that there is ONE lawyer that is so good, that He can represent us to God; earn our freedom and erase our rap sheet. Who is that lawyer you ask? It is the judge of all mankind, Himself, Jesus Christ.

But God is just and the law is clear. Those who have sinned must be punished. Even with Jesus representing you, the judgement is to be served. Someone must be punished for the wrongs that you have done as well as the laws that you have broken. And that punishment is death. Romans 6:23 For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So there you stand in court, and you have been given a guilty sentence, and then the most amazing and incredible thing happens. The judge stands up from his pulpit, walks down to where you are, and says, "I will take this person's punishment, if he will let me"

Did you just do a double take when you read that? Did you have to read it again in case you read it wrong? Did you say, "Say WHAT?, that would never happen!" This judge is going to take your punishment for you. The Death Penalty!!! and you my friend, get to go free.. And all you have to do is say YES!!!!

The God who created us saw that terrible sins were taking over the world and He had to do something about it. So He came to earth in the form of a human, Jesus Christ. Just as the judge did, to take the punishment for our sins. And all He has asked us to do is a very few simple things. To believe that He exists and to believe that His son, Jesus Christ died on the cross for us. That He loves us so much, by His Grace and Mercy, we are forgiven. He paid the ultimate penalty. His life was taken for no other reason than for us and to pay for OUR sin. He was sinless and NEVER broke any laws. Did you get that? He was the only one ever to be sinless and had no price to pay. Yet he paid the price. For everyone who believes. What a Gift. A Free Gift. Given to us because he is Graceful and full of Mercy.

Mark 16:16 "He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned.       

John 3:15 so that everyone who believes in him will have eternal life.                               

Acts 16:31 They said, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and you will be saved, you and your household."
 
Now that you know this, you should be so joyful for his love and that unbelievable free gift that you will want to go even deeper into a relationship with Jesus and follow him. Believe me, it is a wonderful journey. I have been cleansed of addictions, depression, and God is still working on my anger and other desires, but my whole mindset and outlook on life has and is being changed.

He also commanded us to love him with all of our hearts and to love our neighbors (meaning everyone). Turning away from our sins also makes him very happy. This isn't as easy as it sounds, but first and foremost, find a loving church that teaches the true bible and the love of Jesus, one that will accept you just as you are at this moment, and all else will eventually fall into place.

There are many churches who teach that God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are three separate people or entity's, one not having to do with the other or variants of the same idea. It is hard to wrap your head around, but believing and following the True God is knowing that all three are the same, yet separate, all are as one.

We must first believe and continue believing that Jesus Christ is LORD. He is God. He is the Only Son of God, yet is also the One Almighty God. He is not the Father but is the exact image of the Father. He is part of the one "What" and three "Who's" with each "Who" possessing all the attributes of Deity and personality that make up the Trinity.

The Lord Jesus Christ is also sovereign.  When we believe on the "Lord" Jesus Christ we lay down our rights and our very life, nailing them to the cross of Christ, and He becomes the complete King, President, Boss, Director of our lives.

He is also "Jesus" "Christ". He is the Redeemer and He is the Messiah, the Anointed One of God. He is the only one who can deliver us from our sins.

In this one statement we can see the 100% humanity and 100% Deity of Christ.  And we must keep believing that! Here is a great article I came upon about the statement, "Believing in Him"  (please note, that I do not fully agree with the use of the word cult in this article)

Now most people will have the thought that this is just too much to ask. I love living my life as I wish. I shouldn't have to give up anything. I ask you to think about it. This life is so very short and goes by so fast. But the afterlife will be for ETERNITY!! NEVER ENDING!! Hell will be full of those who partied, people who lived life to the extreme, who did everything they wanted, but let's be very clear here. It WILL NOT be a party place. There will be no enjoyment.

Satan gets all his joy in knowing that most people think that way. He enjoys every soul that he can keep from God and every hateful thought that goes thru our minds or out of our mouths. Every foul thing we do to ourselves and each other gives him joy. I hardly think that his Eternal place is going to be good when he thrives on all that is terrible.

Heaven on the other hand is going to be more beautiful, more colorful, more everything that is good. Beauty beyond what any of our tiny little minds can imagine. A place full of so many things to do that you will never be able to do them all.

All it takes is saying YES YES YES.. I do believe. I do accept. Please accept the invitation of Jesus to take your place. He has set you free and he promises a life full of joy, freedom and peace. I pray that you will be joining me in Heaven where there truly will be an eternal party. No more tears, no more sin, no more hurting, depression, sorrow, etc.. Just pure joy, dancing, singing and playing.. Real love that we don't know on this earth. A love that transcends all other love. A love that you will physically feel go thru you, within you and surround you. That's where I want to be. Will you join me?

Literally Speaking-Wrestling with Questions about Sexual Orientation

At the beginning of each year, our church asks the members of the congregation to submit questions in which we would like answers to. Which is called the Tough Question series. Then for two months those questions are picked out and touched upon in sermons. This past week was "Sexual Orientation".

A few weeks back, I finally met with my Pastor, as we had mentioned one day that we needed to meet for coffee and just get to know each other and talk about a few questions that I had. He surprised me by popping the question, "Would you like to share your story in church?" My heart jumped out of my throat & I started shaking just thinking about it, but I was honored & Up for it.

I knew that this issue generally came up in Tough Questions every other year, and about 8 months ago, I had a feeling that I needed to start writing down my thoughts and I did just that. As soon as I got home from meeting with my Pastor, I opened it up again and started editing right away. Over the course of the next few weeks, it was changed at least 100 times up until the morning of my talk. So below is the video as well as some final thoughts I was unable to share due to time issues, and some wonderful experiences I have had from this most joyous experience. I forgot a lot of things that I wanted to include, but if you have read my blog, you know those experiences.

If you are out there and struggling with an addiction or struggling with God not accepting you. My prayer is that this will change your mind, that you will seek God and know that EVERYONE is forgiven and EVERYONE is invited to sit at the table with Jesus. You are his child and he wants a relationship with YOU.

There are millions of people suffering tremendously and all should be able to come to Jesus without condemnation and then given a chance to accept his love or not. But when being told that they are not worthy before given a chance to know different, then all is a terrible loss.
To those struggling with trying to fit being gay with being Christian and following Jesus all into the same place. It is possible and although I have and do still struggle. I never thought that I could have a freedom and joy that I now have.

God’s love is unconditional, and no matter who you are or what you are addicted to, struggling with or going thru. Forget the Past.. You Can’t change it. Don’t let it or anyone else for that matter disqualify you from Gods Love. Come to God and Focus forward. God is for you and wants nothing but the best for you. He is not wrathful or full of hatred & Despite what you have heard; that God Hates you for Being a Fag, that you are worthless or that your sin is unforgivable and your sin is the worst sin there is... NOTHING is farther from the truth

Don’t give up on God. He has not and will never give up on you. He loves you and wants nothing more then a relationship with you. Join a church that fits you and get to know the real Jesus. He will stand by you wherever you are at in life. And even if you backslide into your old ways. He will still be there to stand with you to hold out his hand and help you back up. His love will never fail you.
My favorite way to say it is this, “Just as that shower you take every day gets rid of the dirt and grime from yesterday.. Dip your foot into the water, get a feel for the temperature and how warm it feels. Jesus will start to clean your brokenness and your hurting. Soon you will find yourself immersed deep in the water, being fully enveloped, fully cleansed and fully washed with the grace, mercy, & forgiveness that is the blood of Jesus.

I need to give a resounding, “Thank You” to everyone within this community whom have prayed for me, spent personal time with me, or just touched me thru a smile, a warm embrace, a weekly hello, the support and just the general good feel that I and partner have felt in this church from day one. This is what it is all about. To accept every individual for who they are and wherever they may be in their process. With love and Jesus all things truly are possible. The first 50 years of my life have been troubled, but I look forward to the best 50 years of my life and to see what God has in store for me.
I end with this final verse:

2 Corinthians 1:3-7 The Message Version
All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.
6-7 When we suffer for Jesus, it works out for your healing and salvation. If we are treated well, given a helping hand and encouraging word, that also works to your benefit, spurring you on, face forward, unflinching. Your hard times are also our hard times. When we see that you’re just as willing to endure the hard times as to enjoy the good times, we know you’re going to make it, no doubt about it.

Experiences:
While taking a communion, a fellow church member leaned over to me, introduced herself & said, "Jef my name is.... and I am so honored to share communion with you.

A college student said that he could relate to my story & thankful for me sharing.

Another church member stated his sister whom is in high school was lesbian, and his mother a devout catholic, which made it strained for his sister to gain acceptance. He said that he can't wait to share the video with his sister.

A good friend of mine was told by her pastor 10 years ago not to speak to a young man because he was Gay. Being young she did what the pastor said. She later found out that her gay friend got into drugs and alcohol and has been trying to find him thru facebook or anywhere, having no luck. During my talk, she all of a sudden remembered his phone number and gave him a call. They are meeting again for lunch this week.

Another fellow member posted on facebook a huge thanks for me and my pastor for touching on this issue and hoping that this video would go viral.

Another fellow member messaged me thru facebook. Thanked me for sharing. That it was great to have an actual human face-a personal connection to the issue, that he has much to learn and process, but I helped to move him forward in his thinking.